. : Shattered : .

Delicately in the dead of night, Mio waits until both Ariana and Lyra are asleep. The fire department managed to save some things from the house fire, most notably the fire-proof safe which Mio and Reiji kept a lot of important things. A wave of nausea overcame the mother as she recalled the combination of the safe. With shaky fingers and bated breath she twisted and turned the lock until she heard the acute clicking sound.

Squinting her eyes to adjust to the dark bleakness of the inside of the safe she makes out familiar documents and papers. She pulls out various papers: Lyra and Ariana’s birth certificates, her wedding certificate, both her and Reiji’s will, as well a photo album with memories engraved on every page. Underneath the photo album was something Mio didn’t recognize.

Pursing her lips, her eyes glazed over in confusion as she pulls out what seems to be a journal. She turns to the first page and can tell right away that its Reiji’s writing. She swallows hard and flips through each entry, not being able to read them completely but getting bits and pieces from skimming. Her hands start shaking as she realizes that these everyday journal entries are about the demons Reiji had to face. The hate, the rage, the suffering. He poured his heart into these entries. Anger swirls into the pit of her stomach. Why? Why couldn’t he have just confiding in me? In somebody? He didn’t have to suffer alone!

She reached the last entry, the day before the suicide and fire, and tucked beneath the pages was a letter. His suicide letter. Her heart dropped into her stomach. She didn’t even want to read it. She didn’t want to relieve the memories of what happened. He’s dead. He’s not coming back. She clenches her fists and feels rage building inside of her as she reads the letter.

Mio,

I have too much darkness in my heart and it’s eating me apart. I just can’t comprehend it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I love our dear daughter, Ariana, I just couldn’t get close to her. I couldn’t. The same cycle would have repeated. She should have never been born to be spared this agony. I wish I could have been a good father to her and Lyra but I was scum. I wish I could have been the best husband to you. I wish could have been better then my own parents but I was an awful parent; just like them. I’m truly sorry. I will never be able to apologize for making your life a living Hell. It’s been a long time coming. I cannot turn back anymore.
Reiji

Mio’s body starts shaking, tremoring violently as the words sink in. Agony rips through her heart as she puts the letter down on her desk. She runs a hand through her messy locks and starts pacing back and forth trying to calm herself down but do no avail. Thoughts rip through her scull like a knife through a steak.

Why did this have to happen?! Why didn’t I try to get him help? I should have tried to help him. He could have fought this! He could have dispelled his inner demons. He shouldn’t have had to suffer like this… Why?! We could have broken the cycle.

She kept pacing back and forth, hate and rage surging through her veins. Adrenaline pumped through her system she felt like she could run a marathon. Words kept circling in her brain as she stopped in front of the mirror. She looked like a pale ghost in the darkness. She looked at her reflection and saw nothing but failure reflected back. A failure of a mother and a failure of a wife. How could she have let this happen?

“You’re an awful wife!!” She spat venomously in the mirror. “You should have done something. You should have intervened. You could have saved him. He could be here right now!!”

Pure venom shown in her eyes and her vision started blurring as the emotions overtook her. Why?! Why did this have to happen? Why did I have to fail?! Overcome with rage she raised her fist, aimed at the mirror and ready to strike.

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Quick speed paint I did! Supposed to be messy and scattered.

The letter written in English is not a direct translation of the one written on the page. I added more to make it seem just as emotional in English as it was in Japanese. Not to mention "It'll be a long time coming" is a phrase that I could not translate as it's a pure English phrase.

Most people aren't going to understand this but Reiji's name, he usually write's in Hiragana, れいじ however in this letter he writes it with Kanji; 零時.

零 means zero if used with that kanji. 時 means time. So he's pretty much writing his name as "ran out of time/no time left." Or referring to himself as a zero. So it's a very emotional aspect that I had thought of. It's kind of ruined trying to explain it but I hope you understand it anyways.

As always my characters and my story © Me